Alright folks, lets talk Easter. Now, for most people, Easter is about pastel colors, maybe a nice ham, and trying to remember the actual religious significance amidst all the chocolate. But for me? A father of four, three and a half month months after their last opportunity to go holiday wild… Easter is a strategic military operation. We're not just looking for a few hidden eggs in the backyard, people. We're talking elite egg roll territory. We're talking talking about maximizing the haul. We're talking about ensuring my offspring don't devolve into a sugar-fueled, sibling-smashing demolition derby before noon.
This isn't amateur hour. This requires planning. This requires reconnaissance. This requires… a vehicle. And not just any vehicle. I’m talking about a chariot capable of transporting my personal Easter egg retrieval task force with enough buffer space to prevent inter-kid combat. Enter my magnificent 2023 Chevrolet Tahoe RST. I snagged this beauty over at West Hills Autoplex, and let me tell you, it will be the unsung hero of this whole operation.
That third row? It’s not just for fitting everyone in. Oh no. That third row is a DMZ. A neutral territory. A much-needed expanse of legroom and personal space that whispers sweet nothings of “peace and quiet” to my candy-crazed crew. Trust me, after they’ve mainlined a few Peeps, personal space becomes a precious commodity.
And speaking of West Hills Autoplex… if you’re in Kitsap County and you’ve got a growing brood (or just appreciate the sheer luxury of not having elbows in your ribs), that’s the place to go. Seriously. They have, like, a gazillion vehicles with third-row seating. Okay, maybe not a gazillion, but 13 new vehicle brands and dozens of used options with that glorious third row? That’s practically a fleet designed for family adventures. And the sales team there? Actually… nice. They made the whole process surprisingly painless. Which, as any parent knows, is a minor miracle in itself.
Now, the intel. Thanks to the tireless efforts of Macaronikid, the glorious national curator of local family activities, the potential Easter egg roll battlegrounds have been identified. We’re currently weighing our options. The Kitsap Tennis and Athletic Center with their Aqua Egg Hunt? An in-water egg hunt! That’s next level. Imagine the chaos! The soggy baskets! The sheer novelty! It’s definitely a contender.
Then there’s the South Kitsap Newlife Kids Hop Drop at South Kitsap High School. And folks, I’m not even kidding here… they’re promising a skydiving Easter Bunny. A SKYDIVING EASTER BUNNY! You can’t make this stuff up. My kids are already losing their minds at the mere suggestion. How do you top that? You don’t. You just strap them into the Tahoe and pray you can find parking.
But we’re still poring over the Macaronikid list. There are carnivals, there are traditional hunts, there are probably some events involving bonnet decorating that I’m strategically trying to steer us away from. The goal is maximum egg acquisition with minimal sibling squabbling. It’s a delicate balance, like trying to carry four overflowing Easter baskets without dropping a single chocolate bunny.
So, this Easter, while some folks are enjoying a leisurely brunch, you’ll find me behind the wheel of my trusty Tahoe, navigating the mean streets of Kitsap, a van full of sugar- fueled agents on a mission. Wish me luck. And if you see a 23 Chevrolet Tahoe RST with slightly crazed-looking children in the back, give us a wave. We’re probably en route to intercept the skydiving bunny. Happy Easter, everyone. May your egg hunts be fruitful and your backseat remain (relatively) peaceful.
